My Cat May Be Plotting To Kill Me.

Or possibly take over the world. I for one welcome our new feline overlords.

So like I mentioned previously, I finished out my week working for the Fire & Safety shop. And by "work" I mean I clicked a few buttons, waited for an upload to complete (or not) and clicked a few more buttons.

Then did the same for the next school, And the next. And the next.


Tonight I forgot my earbuds. Oh, did I mention that the main shop area gets bloody cold as night wears on? And that the office where the server is located has its own heater? And that the safety of your schools is in the capable hands of a 28.8 kbps dial-up modem?

Okay, that bit about the modem's speed was an exaggeration, and the one about the safety of the entire district was an outright lie. But the sound, oh my pretties, the sound is all too real. But if you're old enough to remember the halcyon days of AOL and Netscape Navigator, when things were good and only getting better (oh, sweet innocence, how I miss thee...), then you remember that the noise stopped after 30 seconds or so. Not true with the district modem. It goes on f o r e v e r.


Literally the entire duration of the call. So obnoxious.

"But Dan," I hear you asking, "Didn't the title of this post mention a cat?"

I'm getting there. Jeez.

"And why not just leave the thing, wait 40 minutes, and come back to do the next one?"

Holy cats, would you let me just tell the freaking story? Do I interrupt you when you're speaking? Even when you've told me the story thrice already? (Oh yeah, I'm bringing it back. And "fortnight." That word is dead useful.)

Where was I? Oh, yeah. I couldn't just leave entirely, because some were as short as 20 minutes, and others were as long as 50, and I wanted to get the job wrapped up quickly because 1. Urgent and 2. BORING. So. Before it got too cold to hang out in the warehouse area, I started a call and headed back home to grab my earbuds. They're noise-cancelling, so perfect for blocking out both the modem and pesky coworkers. And I live about 10 minutes from work, so I wasn't concerned about losing time on my project.

Now, normally Azunyan is very pleased to see me come home. Whether it's been 30 minutes or 10 hours, she immediately barrels over and scolds me until I give her chin scritches. But today was different. Today was weird. I opened the door and scanned for her, because she adores tripping me. Why do cats do this? I don't know, but anyone who has ever been owned by a cat will verify this behavior. No sign of her, so I grabbed my earbuds from the table (in plain view where they would be impossible to forget) and as I was stuffing them in my pocket, I saw her.

She was standing next to a cardboard box and glaring at me.

Like, if you ever lived with a roommate, and you accidentally walked in on them with their significant other, and you just hadn't noticed the sock on the doorknob or whatever, so you were definitely the trespasser, and they glare at you like, "The hell, man?!"

Yeah. it was that look. It was not at all "Yay! Daddy's home!" and 100% "DUDE. I have the place for this 8-hour block, five days a week, and you're interrupting it. WALK AWAY."

So yeah. I did. And when I got home at my usual time it was all sunshine and unicorns again. So if the cats rise up and enslave us all (more so), my baby girl was definitely in on it. And like a good daddy, I'm behind her 300%